Because life doesn’t care much for your absolutes, it just hands you the opposite and waits for your reaction.
If someone had told me years ago that I’d end up living in a place where it rains more than it shines, happily settled in a beautiful home with a decent paycheque, wrapped up in a long-term relationship, and proudly calling myself a dog mom by choice I’d have raised an eyebrow and said, “Yeah, right!” None of that was on my original life map.
It’s amazing how life has turned out. When I think back to my younger self, none of this was something I ever imagined. The people I’ve met on my journey, the unexpected twists, and how much more introverted I’ve become looking inward more, finding comfort in quiet spaces rather than the noisy hustle outside all of it surprises me. And sometimes, I catch myself being almost ungrateful for what I’ve achieved, for what I have, and for the home I’ve created because it’s so different from the life I once dreamed of. Yet, somehow, it feels just right.
I used to say, “I would never…”
I would never call home a place where the sky and scenery are mostly grey.
I would never stay in a relationship that made me doubt my own worth.
I would never entangle myself with someone fighting their own destructive battles.
I would never settle for less than I deserved.
I would never feel trapped or stuck.
I would never trade my health for a paycheck.
I would never stray from the path that felt safe and certain.
I would never reshape my entire life around another person or even an animal.
I would never cause harm, in any way, to anyone.
And yet…
I never thought I’d face burnout or sink into depression.
I never imagined neglecting my own needs, or losing sight of myself.
I never believed I’d hand over my power to someone trying to break me.
I never dreamed I’d find the courage to walk away from what I once thought was forever.
I never thought I’d become that person.
But life has a way of softening all the nevers.
Not overnight. Not without cost. But slowly, quietly, in ways you never see coming. Because somewhere along the way, I did do some of those things. Not because I was weak, but because I was learning. Because I was human. Because sometimes the very things we resist are the ones that grow us most.
I would never love anyone more than they loved me.
I remember imagining a different kind of life. A different kind of job. A different version of me. But every experience I swore I would never have… became part of the story I was always meant to live. Because life, with its own twisted sense of humour, tends to circle your ‘never’ list and reply: “We’ll see about that.”
And still… even now, I sometimes catch myself asking:
Is this it?
I never planned to spend my days managing others leading, supporting, helping them navigate their struggles. Let alone doing it in a second language. Let alone speaking publicly with confidence in front of people who might judge me, who don’t always wish me well. I never imagined I’d be in a position to make an impact. To actually change something in someone’s day, or maybe even their life. I never expected to travel to places I once only dreamed of, or to cross paths with people whose lives would shape my own in the most unexpected ways people who inspired me, challenged me, pushed me, showed me how to live, how to love… and yes, sometimes, hurt me too.
Should I feel more fulfilled… more accomplished… more certain by now?
There are days I feel content. Grateful. Grounded.
And then there are days I feel a quiet restlessness like maybe I’m meant for something more, or maybe just something different. And I don’t know what that “more” is, or where to find it. But I do know this: I never thought my life would turn out the way it has.
And that uncertainty? It’s part of it too.
Now I catch myself wondering: What else is out there for me?
What new places will I explore? What parts of myself will I still uncover?
What other joy will I get to feel… and what pain, too?
Who will I meet next?
Who will walk beside me, and who will I have to let go of?
Who will witness me as I continue to grow, shift, change?
I don’t have those answers. But I’ve learned not to fear the unknown. Because some of the most defining moments of my life have come from the plans I didn’t make.
The doors I didn’t even know I was walking through.
The version of me I never imagined I’d become, but now can’t imagine not being.
And it’s here in this tension between what we plan and what unfolds that I’m reminded of something Carl Jung once said:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
That line lives in me. It explains so much about how life happens, and why. The choices we make, the ones we don’t, the people we attract, the patterns we repeat so much of it isn’t random. It comes from within us, from places we often don’t yet understand. Jung believed that what seems like fate is often the unconscious nudging us, inviting us to grow into who we’re meant to become through the exact experiences we once swore we’d never have.
Jung’s concept of individuation the lifelong journey of becoming whole by integrating all parts of ourselves is alive in this story. The process is rarely straightforward; it is often filled with unexpected turns, resistance, and vulnerability. Those “nevers” we hold onto are challenged because they limit the growth the psyche needs to evolve.
He also introduced the idea of synchronicity meaningful coincidences that are not causal but significant which reminds us that the universe’s seeming randomness may actually be a deeper pattern unfolding, guiding us through the unconscious toward wholeness.
So when life hands you the unexpected, or the very thing you swore you’d never have, it’s often the psyche’s way of nudging you closer to your true Self, a self that can only be reached by surrendering rigid plans and embracing the unknown.
The path I imagined is not the path I walked. But the path that found me full of detours, heartbreaks, joys, and surprises is the path of my becoming.
If Jung taught me anything, it’s this:
Our fate is not fixed – it is created, moment by moment, through the courage to face the unknown, the willingness to grow through pain, and the grace to say yes to the life we never saw coming.
And so, here I am still walking, still learning, still saying yes to the unexpected.
Here’s to the detours.
Here’s to the unfolding.
Here’s to never saying never.
Suggested Further Reading by Carl Jung:
- Memories, Dreams, Reflections (1961) – Jung’s own reflections on his life and work, rich with insights about individuation and the unconscious.
- The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious (Collected Works Vol. 9, Part 1) – explores universal symbols and the unconscious patterns shaping human life.
- Man and His Symbols (1964) – a more accessible introduction to Jung’s ideas about the unconscious and symbols in everyday life.
- Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle (Collected Works Vol. 8) – where Jung elaborates on meaningful coincidences and their role in our lives.